"So what if my lifelong dream and my relationship tanked? These were nothing but middle-class white girl's tragedies. But I was a middle-class white girl, with middle-class white girl's faith. In fact, my middle-class white girl's tragedies ceased to be the tragedy at all: the tragedy was God's response--total silence. I couldn't hear God or see God or sense God anywhere or in anything. Some people call this the Dark Night of the Soul. It was dark, all right. And silent. And I was alone."
- Susan Isaacs
But that's the way it is isn't it? I mean, think about it:
Job loses everything and what does God do or say? Nothing. For 37 chapters it's nothing but rambling and complaining and humans thinking they know what's going on and why this happened to Job. And God just listens to it!
Job has his ideas. His friends have theirs. His wife has hers. [None of which are right. None of which are God's Truth.] And God? God is silent.
Do you know what I'm talking about? If you don't, I'm pretty sure you repressed it or are lying to yourself and to us and to God.
Here's the thing though. I'm thinking that so called "dark silent time" is partially if not completely for two reasons.
The first being if we don't get all those emotions out while they are freshly thrust inside of us, they will only grow quickly in resentment, hatred and over-emotionalism, only damaging our relationship with God and Christ more.
Secondly, it is just as Rick Warren says in Purpose Driven Life: Life is a test and a trust. God wants to see how we will react to such tragedies. If we react wrong, He knows what work needs to be done still. If we react as correctly as any stereotypical self-serving human could, then He knows we can handle even more the next time.
"Tribulations cannot cease until God either sees us remade or sees that our remaking is now hopeless."
- C. S. Lewis
And the thing of the matter is...is that WE are the ones with work to do when tragedy strikes, not God. Because honestly, what more could He really do for us compared to all He has done and is doing already? To ask for more is to say what He is doing isn't perfect enough. But He is perfect.
The problem isn't God. The problem is we are spoiled. And the problem that's even bigger than that, is that God is not in the business of creating spoiled children.
But its just so frustrating, isn't it? Because right there, in that moment, in the bottom of the chasm of the blackest of holes, we aren't capable of doing anything! Anything but complaining, and whining, and crying, and questioning God, when we should be questioning ourselves.
Ok, look. I know you think I'm crazy, because we all know writing about what we should do and actually doing it couldn't be farther from being the same thing. But...
But I have been there...
I was there two days ago. And tonight I'm back where God wants me to be. Well, I'm at least closer to where He wants me to be than I was two days ago.
You CAN do this. Get through God's silence. And don't ever think you are the only one who feels this way. Because I promise you you aren't. It's just that admitting God feels far away is embarrassing. We think it makes us weak Christians. It doesn't! Being thrust into tribulation doesn't and will never make you a weak Christian: It's what MAKES you Christian! And how we respond to trials and tribulations is what defines us. It's what gives our spark of God--our soul--an identity (John Keats). An identity set apart.
So if you are drowning in tragedy today, tomorrow, or anytime in the future, and you FEEL like you cant find, see, or hear God, remember...remember this blog post. Remember that while Job was sitting by a fire mourning the loss of everything he had, while still picking the scabs from his wounds, he responded to the whirlwind God spoke through by saying, "All this is too wonderful for me!"
And you may not be able to do that right away, but neither was Job, and he was "a righteous man" in God's eyes. And remember that God gave them, Job and his wife and friends, up until and through the 37th chapter to rant, vent, complain, and to try to figure out why.
Only God knows how long your 37 chapters will be, but be patient. If He thinks you need 37 chapters to get all of "it" out of you before you can listen to Him, then there's a reason for that. Use those 37 chapters as wisely as you can.
Because "the answer to this pain, or the cure for this pain, is not given in explanation; rather, God offers to this pain, or this life experience, Himself. Not steps, not an understanding, not a philosophy, but Himself. I take this to mean the first thing God wanted to communicate to humanity was that He was God, He was very large and in control, storing snow in Kansas, stopping waves at a certain point on the beach, causing clouds to carry rain, causing wind to race down imaginary hills of barometric pressure, and that if he could do all this, then he could be trusted, and that, perhaps, this would help us through our lives. And so from the beginning, from the very first story told in Scripture, God presents life, as it is, without escape, with only Himself to cling to."
- Donald Miller, Searching For God Knows What
So what if you aren't ready right away. That's what those 37 chapters are for.
Well, You don't think you will be or are ready. At least not quite yet...
You know, there is this vista in Northern California that I cherish. At over 6,000 feet, if cars aren't speeding by, and if no one else has stopped there, there is absolutely nothing but the purest of silence.
And this silence, while staring out at all God's created just to dazzle us, its sometimes so loud it's almost deafening.
You can feel its weight on your skin.
You can breathe it in.
It's thick.
It's clean.
It's awe inspiring.
And That, my friends, IS God!
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